Life comes with challenges.  I don;t know why we are faced with the challenges we are just that we are.  I am not wise enough to know Hashem's plan for me or why I must face the specific challenges that I do.

Ten years ago, I was looking at some big changes in my life.  I endured that challenge. Both working to accept whatever Hashem chose for me while at the same time doing everything within my power to make my life, my heart, my world the kind of place it needed to be for Hashem to grant my request. 

Now we struggle again and I am faced with similar challenges.   I feel as though Hashem has put these tempory tests before me so that I can prove I can withstand the permanent situation if my prayers are to be granted.  And yes I say granted rather than answered.  Hashem has already answered the request.  The answer was "not yet". 

It is "not yet because I have not passed the test yet.  For some unknown reason, this time it is so much harder for me to be the person I know I need to be than I ever thought it would be. I know the right path and I try to walk it and I stumble and fall.  I keep picking myself back up and start walking again but I keep stumbling.  I really wish I could just stop stumbling though.


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