Yesterday we named our son. To my horrific dismay, he received his name at a horrible sad funeral rather than at glorious happy bris. We each wrote him a letter saying goodbye. I tried to read mine to him but Abba had to do it for me like he has been doing so much for during this time. Abba laid him to rest in the ground and Froggy placed his teddy bear beside him. We covered him and said Kaddish. It was the hardest day of my entire life. This should be one of the happiest times. Instead it is the worst.
All through the pregnancy, we knew there were good odds of having challenges to face at his birth. I kept telling everyone who expressed concerned that nothing matter and we would handle whatever challenges presented themselves when he was born because it did not matter we were just so happy to have him.
It never occured to me that the challenge I would have to face was not having him to hold.
8 hours ago