I came home expecting to renew my relationship both symbolically and physically. That did not happen, nominally due to uncooperative little people. I suspect that it is at least as much due to people doubting my capacity. I feel as though I am not trusted anymore because of the terrible terrible things that caused all this horror and broke reality.
Supposedly when HaShem closes a door, he opens a new one somewhere, in some fashion. I am looking for that new door to open,. I need it to be a door that shows the new me how to live.